Don’t Make Me Bring Out the Ugly Cry!

I made it through the weekend without getting divorced, sent to prison, or checking into the looney bin. Sadly that’s an accomplishment most weekends since we can never all four be happy at once. I’m really proud that I can say I made it through this weekend without any of those things happening because I added hosting a fundraiser to the mix! 

In February when Nephew got his diagnosis, I did the obvious thing people do when they want to do something to help and decided to host a fundraiser. My first time. And with a  four month schedule! 

Mr. G. of course thought it was crazy talk and mmmhmmed and yes deared me for a few days until I started giving him assignments for people to talk to to get donations or sponsorships and started bringing my own prize scores home.

This fundraiser was my life, and gradually increased my stress level, for four months! I felt called to do it, so knew everything would be alright, and most things did fall into place easily.  There were some bumps and bruises along the way but I mostly remained positive and kept at it for Nephew’s sake. I wanted it to be successful for him. The only real problem was the lack of people signing up. 

But I couldn’t cancel. I told Nephew I was doing this. I didn’t want to say not enough people cared so I can’t help you. I didn’t want to fail. I was confused about what to do. My heart was telling me scrap on, but my brain was telling me scrap off.

Then the whole thing with Blast from the Past happened. Blast was talking about how he just happened to recognize me on Facebook and felt like now he could help me and apologize for how we ended and that would help him. He felt that things happen as they should when they should. Although I was hugely distracted and took a bath in a hot mess for awhile (ha! Read the comments), what he said actually helped me. Oh God now I went and told him he was right! :P I remembered that I had always felt called to do this and that with 10 people or 100, it was all for Nephew and whatever I raised was money he didn’t have before. I would not be discouraged and wouldn’t cancel though several people tried to persuade me to do just that. 

And then last week someone did a random act of kindness and left this on my desk. It was meant for my career position but came when I most needed it for my personal position.

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I took off Friday to get the last 5 trillion details taken care of and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did. I ran out of time and couldn’t do everything I wanted to so I was beating myself up. It didn’t take much to send me into a crazy, blubbering, exhausted,  psychotic state of mind. Not the best mood to be in when the people helping you set up includes a man who doesn’t understand the attraction of scrapbooking and how I can sit all day looking at paper and what the hell do I need all this crap for, and a teenager who is generally mad at the world or at least the person who brought her into it 25 hours a day. Bird was smart enough to sit on the floor playing on his tablet and didn’t say a word to me so he was off my radar. 

Everything I directed them to do they questioned or argued with me. So finally Mr. G. made a very simple comment and the meltdown happened,  worse than any toddler after a full day at Disney World, complete with ugly crying. But it made him run away and leave me alone which is what I wanted in my bitchy stressed state anyway! But by then I was too tired to fight so left things as they wanted them.

I went to bed late, didn’t sleep much from nerves and got up early. We only had an hour to finish setting up and I was half a second from bursting into tears again when my friend who knew how the church’s coffeemaker worked arrived. She put her stuff out, made coffee, bustled around arranging things back to the way I had wanted, and then I asked her to pray for me to be calm.  And she hugged me and prayed for me and made me cry from her kindness even though I had asked for it.

And her prayer worked! I realized no one would know what I hadn’t done,  they only would know what I had done. It would be how it would be and it was too late to change it now. People got settled, I made announcements, I started walking around and talking and it was OK. People got their scrapbooking on.

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Nephew stopped in to have lunch with us, and after I told everyone that his scan had come back clear and he does not need surgery right now, and hopefully never will,  they all clapped and cheered. That was the second best moment. The first was seeing how much it meant to Nephew that I had done this for him.

I did a few things wrong but I did a lot of things right. People had fun, got some pages done, visited with my in-laws, and supported my Nephew by supporting me and my event. I planned this event and didn’t give up on it, and met my goal. I did it!!!!!

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I was told I have a year to plan the next one. If I can do such a good job in four months I can do an amazing job in 12. Gulp. No pressure! I can always bring on a full ugly cry meltdown so people leave me alone and I won’t need to get a divorce, go to jail, or commit myself to the looney bin. As long as I can keep my paper, I’ll keep calm and everything will be fine.

She Doesn’t Always Yell!

So Peanut got her braces off on Tuesday and life was great. She was smiling ear to ear which I haven’t seen since before Bird was born!

Then Wednesday she was catapulted into hell on earth when she got her retainer. That she needs to wear 24/7 for 6 weeks. When I reminded her how we weren’t sure she was even getting the braces off and she did what she was supposed to to make that happen so that’s great she was not impressed. When I said well the 6 weeks will be over before school starts so no one will see her with them unless she goes to/has a sleepover she was slightly more impressed though it was hard to know for sure with the massive eye roll I got.

So family conversations have gone like this. No need to identify who’s talking I’m sure!

Can I see your blue sparkly retainer?
OMG NO IT’S IN MY MOUTH AND NOT COMING OUT!!!!!

Why do they bother making it colorful when you can’t see it?
OMG I DON’T KNOWWWWWWW I DIDN’T MAKE IT!!!!!

You just need to get used to it.
OMG STOP TALKING TO ME! 

Please put your retainer in.
OMG I KNOWWWWWWW!!!

Please don’t leave your retainer on the couch. 
OMG IT’S ON A NAPKIN!!!!!!!

Please don’t chew gum constantly so you don’t have to wear your retainer. 
OMG STOP LECTURING ME! 

No you can’t eat ice cream again.
OMG WHAT THE CRAP!!!  MY TEETH HURT!!!!!

You need to clean your retainers every day.
OMG!!! NO! I’M NOT DOING THAT,  THAT’S GROSS!!!!!

We spent several thousand dollars on your mouth. You will wear the retainer as you’re supposed to. We could have bought new family room furniture.
OMG WHAT THE CRAP!  I DON’T CARE!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT THE FURNITURE!!!!!! (Now I will tell you this one was Mr. G. Why that was the comparison I have no clue. But at least she is an equal opportunity yeller.

Friend calls and she runs away whispering.

I Hit 100!

100 followers

I reached 100 followers yesterday! Thanks to To Be Stubbornly Courageous!!!!! Can I get a what what!!!! :D Thank you all so much!!!!! I appreciate you taking the time to read my tales of previously preteen and now teen woes, my job hunts, my random vents, my pity parties, my sad and nostalgic stories, my cat worship, my rambling, my life.

I thought it would be fun to go back to June 8, 2014 which was my 100th published post. I say published because there are a few drafts I never finished and private posts in there too! Appropriately it’s about summer vacation! Enjoy!

Sorry for Wimping Out

So I had an almost 1,000 word post about how I felt about Father’s Day, and how for me it’s almost as unbearable as Mother’s Day since I became an orphan first by choice and then by circumstance. But then I felt that it was too much of me out there, too much vulnerability, and I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.

But I’ll share this quote: “All you had to do was say you’re sorry. I would have forgiven you.” Postcard on http://www.Postsecret.com

You Get to Decide

Interesting development over the weekend. Blast from the Past kinda not really accidentally found my post about him and has commented that he’d like to guest blog and tell his side. Wow my first request for a guest blogger and closing in on 100 followers, now things are getting serious!  :)

I told him I’d let you decide. Now understand this will not be a lost love found kind of thing. We are so different now and are happy with our chosen lives. Neither of us want to stupidly ruin what we’ve got for something that we had so long ago (well for him. :P anyway).  So don’t say yes if that’s what you wanted to create. Please don’t say yes just so you can bash him either.  He doesn’t deserve that now, and we have all been on both sides of a badly ended relationship. Say no if you want, I think I’m OK with either answer!

Vote by leaving a comment.

Whatever the majority is at 10 pm EST tonight will be the answer. If no one comments I’ll decide.

Today’s your lucky day, planning another post for later though I just met the every other day self-imposed requirement. :P

UPDATE: Surprisingly no one commented so I decided to let him decide if he wants to share his side or not.

Cloudy with a Chance of Color

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Not a white shirt anymore!

OMG. If you have never participated in a color run, you absolutely MUST do so at the first opportunity! The true fanatics run, the other 6 people walk.  Every kilometer, you pass people trying to pelt you with colored powder. If you run they throw harder or chase you and try to hug you to properly show you passed that station! If you walk it’s not as much fun because you’re just walking through a cloud so it doesn’t settle on you as much. 

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Aftermath when you run past

So I am not a fanatic but apparently Peanut is and was chiding me for not walking fast enough in her opinion. I had told her she had to stay with me until I found someone I knew, which I soon found out needed to be more specific and not just someone I would say hi to. I’m the meanest mother on the planet. I KNOWWWWWWW!!!!! So as soon as I made the mistake of saying hello to someone from Bird’s daycare she announced “OK Mom see ya at the finish line!” and took off!  So there went my dream of our loving bonding moment strolling hand in hand talking about the silly runners and taking all kinds of funny pictures as we went along. 

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Heading into the pink

So at least she listened and waited.  Stinker came in 35th out of 268! I didn’t fare so well because I ended up chatting with the lady I said hi to who I actually did know and her friend, and because I kept stopping to take fun pictures. I didn’t care about my place, I was just lost in the moment having fun. I did run through the color stations at least!  :)  And I wasn’t last!!!

I don’t know yet how much was raised,  but there were about 100 people who just showed up today! All proceeds will go to the Penn State Hershey Four Diamonds Fund, in honor of Nephew.  This fund is completely funded by donations and pays 100% of medical bills for pediatric cancer patients. The organizer is just 21 and had never done this before, but it looked like she has done it for years! She did an amazing job and the race was a lot of fun, even for us boring slow pokes who took too long and brought up the end of the line.

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What? I can't hear blue!

Madam President

This was a conversation a few minutes ago:
Mr. G to Peanut: Get off the phone and get a shower before the storms hit again! 
Peanut:I KNOWWWWWWW!  (common response to everything she deems a lecture.)
Mr. G: Yeah you know everything,  you should be the President.
Peanut: I KNOWWWWWWW!  (trying not to laugh)
Mr. G: And BFF that you’re talking to can be your First Friend!
Peanut: Ha. Ha. 😐

Glad he can make her laugh these days even if it is forced!

P.S. Still keeping the every other day schedule! Not sure why but I’m trying to do that all month so I can be happy I met my goal.  :) Hey, I have a teenager, I need to take happiness whenever I can get it!

When Butterflies Appear

butterfly“Butterflies hover and feathers appear whenever lost loved ones and Angels are near.”

I have started a pattern of writing every other night, and mentioned it last week, and now as usual when I have a self-imposed writing schedule I am getting writer’s block. It happened when I did the November blog challenge, and again when I started my Miss You Monday letters. I was going to write about taking Peanut bathing suit shopping, (good story but not in the mood to describe it since she’s ignoring me so I don’t want to “summon” her and have her bite my head off just for breathing), and then considered the NAACP President calling herself Trans-racial (ridiculous in my opinion but didn’t feel like dealing with any backlash.) So I did the obvious thing writers do when they have writer’s block and opened my laptop and just sat here half watching a recorded (almost said taped! HA! :) ) DVR of America’s Got Talent and flipping through Pinterest for inspiration.

So apparently Angel Mom wants to be the topic of conversation tonight because I found that quote that I had pinned a few days ago. :P I’ve written about my signs and dreams before. It’s funny how you really don’t pay attention to things until they apply to you. I had always been interested in pennies from Heaven and spiritual events, but never really thought they were real until July 23, 1999. After that I decided they were real because that was the only comfort I could find in the nightmare that had become my new normal.

Sunday I wrote about how I was feeling discouraged because my fundraiser hasn’t gotten the response I hoped for and my Horoscope confirmed that I’ve become apathetic and I need to change my attitude and I will succeed. Even so I hadn’t really done anything since last week, and with only 11 days left I can’t really afford to not work on finalizing the details. Last night I was looking at the Facebook page of a girl at Bird’s daycare who is hosting a Color Run on Saturday to benefit Penn State’s Four Diamonds Fund (Peanut and I are going to walk….so either you’ll have a great happy story or a great angry story…stay tuned!) in honor of Nephew, and I was a little mopey because her mother is very involved and proud of her and signed up to run or walk too. I wished that my mom was here to help me with my event and tell me she was proud of me for trying so hard to make this nice for everyone involved, and tell me of course it would be great because I was in charge of it and I learned how to plan amazingly successful events from her.

Today I had my women’s networking luncheon and as I was leaving a yellow butterfly appeared and fluttered wildly around, maybe so I would notice it, and then disappeared. Now it was very hot and humid, and there was a heavy rain shower while we were eating and there was still wind when I left although the sun was out. Typically there aren’t bugs around when it rains or when it’s windy. And it really did appear and disappear. They always do when they’re my signs. Most of the time I see yellow butterflies in ridiculous places…at my second floor window or in front of my windshield on the highway. That’s how I know they’re my signs.

The point of all this is I was encouraged by the butterfly’s appearance. After dinner I organized my raffle prizes, cleared out my scrap room a bit, worked on creating the prize info cards and updated my income spreadsheet and felt at peace. It will all come together and it will be ok no matter how much is raised, whatever I raise is money Nephew didn’t have before. Butterflies are proof that she is with me, and I love butterflies even more now, especially the yellow ones.

But My Horoscope Said…

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So if you’ve been paying attention,  you’ll know that I have an addiction a fascination with certain highly scientific items such as the Magic 8-ball and my Horoscope. Growing up I only had the newspaper which of course wasn’t printed for just me so was rather generic and meant I had to consult my Magic 8-ball for more precise fortune telling. And oddly, today the definition of maybe still means yes when children are involved in the conversation!

So anyway, of course I had to look for a Horoscope app to feed my addiction meet my entertainment needs, and I found Daily Horoscope. This Horoscope is the bomb! It is spot on about 90% of the time! Which is why I turned off the function to view tomorrow’s horoscope today. No sense getting upset today with the doom and gloom coming tomorrow right?

I promise the point is coming! So today:

Scorpio horoscope for Jun 14 2015
You may be feeling rather apathetic about an endeavor that you once felt passionately about. Does that say something about the endeavor itself, or could it be more about your present state of mind? If it’s the endeavor you’re involved in, then you need to find a way to recall why you got involved in the first place, and to reignite your enthusiasm. If it’s your state of mind though, Scorpio, you need to find a way to lift yourself up again. That’s more important than you realize.

Copyright © Daily Horoscope.
Download it now — http://comitic.com/dh

I have been working very hard on my nephew’s fundraiser and have posted constantly on Facebook and talked to the entire County to get the word out.  I was excited about it, even with the few times I was turned down for donations. It was falling into place much better than I expected for the first time doing it!

After moving back the final deadline to register twice, I was getting discouraged at the low turnout. I tried telling myself there’s all kinds of reasons. It’s summer, people are going on vacation or are busy. They don’t know me or my nephew and could care less about “some sick kid.” They don’t like to scrapbook or do any crafts. He’s done with his chemo, he doesn’t need help anymore. They already gave to another charity. I’m not affiliated with a charity, I must not be legit.

So see, to get this ‘scope today is freaky. It was suggested a few weeks ago that I cancel it since I only had 10 people sign up. I decided no, whatever these people spend after they pay to get in, is money nephew didn’t have before the event. Every bit helps. And now I’ve gotten a few more and I hope  a few just show up at the door. But the ‘scope made me feel like holding the event anyway was the right decision. I am still going to make it as nice as I can and we’ll raise what we raise and I’ll feel great because I succeeded in helping my nephew, which was my ultimate goal. It sucks he was given this obstacle but he put up an awesome fight and didn’t give up or publicly complain. He deserves the same from me. Cancer cannot win!

Now I’m wondering if I should turn “view tomorrow” back on so I can decide what to wear for my lottery check presentation.

Kids to the Rescue Again!

I noticed I’ve been writing every other day for a couple weeks. I was restless today and not really feeling any of the idea notes from the week so I was thinking I would probably mess up my “schedule” already when I was just getting back in a regular groove. I don’t want to do that!

I was in my scrap room ignoring all my scrap stuff and stalking Facebook for new event attendees, and stalking WordPress for new posts from you know who 😛 but also someone else awesome I just found Elm and looking at quotes on Pinterest about teenage love because damn it I can’t stop checking his Facebook page and almost friend requesting him even though I should be like ha see what you gave up you should be begging me to let you be my friend! Then I was getting mad because I only opened an account so that I could spread the word about my fundraiser so why do I care what people are doing and who my friends are or are not!  Facebook must be partnered with Target with the mind control and loss of free will thing that goes on.

So I found a quote about that (teenage love and moving on in case you fell off the rant train) but wasn’t really feeling that either….and then my kids came to the rescue. You can read about  another time Bird and his friends did that here.

Bickering. 
Sounds of struggle.
“STOP IT!!!”
“MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYY!!!!!! ”
CRASH!
Screaming.
Crying.
Stomping.
“OMG I HATE YOU! IDIOT!”
“UGLY BABY!”

And then the Writing Muse Angels of Pinterest appeared singing Hallelujah as they presented my idea.

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Which is probably good because livingdilbert and Elm have enough problems without worrying about some weird gray hair hating blogger stalking them. Don’t worry, I’m sure there’s a Target near LD and Elm is “across the pond” so I would be distracted from LD and too busy trying to find British groups to join on Facebook to worry about… What was I talking about?