Queen of Social Media

Last week Peanut and I had appointments to get hair cuts, and I was going to seek help in covering my grays. (ahem!)

I had been telling her for months she should get some color in her hair but we all know when I talk she goes deaf.

So she announces like she just had the idea that she would like to get some highlights. She looks at me with her “I smell something” face and says, “I don’t want to get like what YOU have. It’s too noticeable.”

I am not concerned by this. She’s said much more hateful things to me and I like my gray disguising blonde highlights.

So I had decided (before Peanut’s not as hateful as usual comment) that I was going to do something different and get purple highlights. And while they are only noticeable in sunlight,  I like them. 

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And then a sign that the world is ending came when Peanut said she might like to get purple highlights too. 

Say what now?????

Yeah she’ll just look on Pinterest because she doesn’t want the exact way I have them. (Surprise.)

So I show how stupid I am and say Oh I didn’t know you knew what Pinterest was. She rolled her eyes, (surprise) and said, Mom, I am a teenager,  I know about all things social media. 

Oh. Of course I shouldn’t be surprised. 

My Third Best Day Ever!

Today was my third best day ever!!!! Oops I just repeated my title as my first sentence but I’m so happy I don’t care I broke a writing rule. 

Tied for #1: the birth days of Peanut and Bird… But only because I am not going there and picking whose day was better, no I will remain fair and impartial thank you! 

#2: the day livingdilbert followed me!!!  Now my blog is getting serious with a celebrity-like blogger following me!

And #3: Today, when Peanut came to my office!!! 

Today was the last day of summer vacation and I said Peanut and Bird could come with me after lunch to lessen the amount of time they would be home alone. Which is really code for lessen the amount of time they are alone together, with the potential to break limbs or burn the house down.

So Bird said no, and Peanut said yes,  which surprised me and yes made me nervous. But I couldn’t show my fear.  So I gritted my teeth and said Fine!

She first plops down and works on a craft that was leftover from an event last week to add more pretty things to donate to a senior living facility.

Then she starts playing on her phone which isn’t unusual, but what was unusual was she was looking at quotes and asking me which ones I liked best.  Yes I said asking!!!! She couldn’t see me since she was sitting on the floor,  maybe she thought she was with her father. 

Anyway, then she announces that I need some artwork on my walls. I say yeah I know, I’m working on it. Then she asks if there is any big paper around. I’m wondering who the heck is this nice person sitting in my office????

So she disappears to explore the office and eventually comes back with some tabloid paper and a whole bunch of sharpies. She says don’t look at her,  just work. 

I am so confused by her behavior,  but I try to do what she suggested. Why isn’t she yelling at me? Why isn’t she complaining about me annoying her? Why is she being nice?

Then it was time for the 3:00 daily walk around the building. Here’s where I really thought Peanut had been kidnapped by aliens. She walked with me and chattered about all kinds of stuff!!! ūüėĪ However I did not ruin the moment by saying, see you can talk to me nicely like I usually do. I think I was so surprised I just couldn’t think clearly.

So then she starts pondering my walls and decides next to the white board will work and starts talking to herself as she figures out the spacing of her papers. I’m pretending to work and watching her and almost ready to bawl my eyes out at her making something to decorate my wall and just being nice and happy!

And when she was done, I had this: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall.

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I am in tears by this point and choke out thanks for decorating my wall Peanut and she looks at me like what’s the big deal?

Then it was time to leave. P!nk’s song I’m Coming Up! (Get This Party Started) came on the car radio and of course I turned the volume way up! You have to crank P!nk!!! And of course I start singing….. and so does Peanut!!! What the heck is going on???? Am I dreaming???? Am I dead and this is Heaven?????

We are barely in the house and she yells: OMG BIRD! YOU’RE SO ANNOYING GET OUT OF HERE I WANT TO WATCH TV! 

Sigh. Well at least I still have the evidence of her kindness on my wall. At least I hope I do! Unless it was just a wonderful dream during a boring meeting!

She Has an Opening Next Never

I don’t know if it’s the frenzy of trying to fit everything she didn’t get to do into the last few days of summer vacation¬† or if she is just suddenly making lots of friends but I swear I haven’t seen Peanut since we came back from vacation!¬†

Which if you’ve been paying attention, you will say that sounds like a good thing because then we are not at odds because I’m annoying her and the house is peaceful. And that part is.

But I’m not really liking having to say,¬† um hello? Peanut? Do you think you could fit your family in for a few minutes so we remember what you look like?¬† So we can talk about cross country or your school schedule or something? Anything?

If she’s not sequestered in her room on her phone or face timing on her iPad,¬† she’s at the pool, running, sleeping over somewhere, shopping, at a party, Starbucks, hanging out….! I’m exhausted writing all that! But then again I am a little older than her so of course I am slowing down a bit. Emphasis on a little.¬†

The other day in between engagements,¬† Peanut mentioned to Mr. G, “Oh yeah I did a 5k with Friend A today.”

Say what now???

OMG DON’T YOU PEOPLE LISTEN????¬† I DID A 5K TODAY!!!!!

That annoys me too that she speaks to him and screams at me but that’s a post for another day.

So of course the response was why didn’t you tell us, we would have went to watch and support you!!! That’s awesome!!!

OMG WHY? I’M JUST RUNNING!!!

I sigh.

Friend B calls. 

Dad can I go hang out with Friend B now????

Sigh. Nice seeing you for 30 seconds Peanut. Try to pencil us in for a minute on your graduation day OK?

GASP! I Know Something Else She Doesn’t!

A few weeks ago, I was excited and happy because I knew something¬†that Peanut didn’t. Lately she has been a true teenage monster, so any bit of happiness I can scrape up when she’s around I cherish!!!!

Tonight she was asked to go Back to School shopping with a friend. I had found some gift cards buried in the junk drawer and told her to call and check the balance since they had been in there awhile.

She yells downstairs: OMG MOM!!!!

Me: What?

OMG IS THERE A POUND SIGN??????

I asked What? again because I thought I heard her wrong. Everyone knows what a pound sign is!

OMG!!!! A POUND SIGN???? WHAT’S THAT?????

Me: Oh, the tic-tac-toe game thingy.

Silence. So apparently teenaged everyones don’t know what a pound sign is.

Me: The hashtag!!!!!! (thinking DUH! and rolling my eyes for good measure and cracking myself up too.)

OMG! YEAH I SEE IT NOW!!!!

Bonus happiness because she didn’t ask me how I know that since I’m old. I was so happy I didn’t even care she didn’t say thank you. Mention it and go back to normal dealing with a teenage monster or ignore it and enjoy knowing something she didn’t. Hmmm. It was not a hard decision!

 

So Glad it’s Sunday!!!

No dear readers, my title does not have a typo. I am truly excited that it is Sunday, because as crazy as it sounds, I get to go to work tomorrow! I get to go to work…for 8 glorious hours with people I’m not related to!!! Oh my goodness Monday morning can not come soon enough. I would go to bed right now if I knew I would be able to stay asleep and not stay awake all night waiting for the alarm clock to go off!

Why have I completely, utterly lost my mind you ask? I have already tried to blot it from my memory but I will rip the scab off as a courtesy to you… Because I was just on a 2 week vacation with my family. 14 days. In a row. With a 13 year old. A 13 year old who gets annoyed at everything and nothing. Who appears to hate mankind unless it is willing to spend money on her.

And the other child who the minute we arrived started asking when are we going go-karting? When are we going mini-golfing? When are we going to the arcade? When are we going to eat at our favorite place? When are we going to the pool? When are we going on rides???? And asked these questions as soon as he got up and a million times through the day for all million days. 

And then there was the fighting over what music to listen to. The fighting over who picked the restaurant last night. The complaining if I suggested going shopping on a cloudy, showery day. The complaining at anything I suggested. The constant reminder that Mr. G was trying not to plan our days to the minute. The constant time together!¬† The feeling that nothing we did was good enough. And here’s another great example of that feeling from DN! We parents gotta stick together!!!!

It wasn’t a total vacation from hell though. I spent most of my time sitting on the beach reading and drinking¬† Smirnoff Screwdrivers, and thinking about how happy the beach makes me,¬† and how I feel closer to Angel Mom there. And even though it was difficult to do so much thinking, I did need to feel closer to her since her anniversary just passed. 

So that’s why I’m anxious to go back to work. I get paid to put up with complaints and annoying people there! Can I call off sick from my family vacation next year?
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Good News but It’s Not Over Yet

After the rudeness and nasty comments I’ve been receiving from Peanut lately, it was good to get some good news today!

It seems that Nephew’s tumor has shrunk a tiny bit more! So that means he does not need to have another scan for 3 months! He can live and enjoy his life without so much worry about surgery, at least right now.

He is no means considered cancer free yet but it’s a heck of a great start! Thank you to anyone here who has prayed for  or made a donation to support him.¬†We appreciate all your support no matter how it’s received, and it has helped him keep his “I’m going to kick cancer’s freaking ass!!” attitude. Please keep praying!

Bouncing Tigger

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Nine years ago when the doctor said,¬† “Congratulations you have a beautiful,¬† bouncing baby boy!” he sure wasn’t kidding. We should have named him Tigger but it doesn’t really go well with our last name.¬† Plus he would have to go to Disney to find his name on anything. Which I guess wouldn’t be the most horrible thing to do!

This boy is still bouncing. He bounces off walls. He bounces anything round to see how high it bounces. He tries to bounce things that aren’t round. He probably dreams about bouncing!¬†

So because he still loves to talk to me and has thought of something cool that he might be able to bounce, he excitedly asks me,¬† “Mommy, wouldn’t it be cool if we could bounce on our heads????”

Me: Umm no. It would hurt a lot.

Bird/Tigger: Yeah but it would be so cool anyway if we could!

And off he bounced, probably thinking about what he could bounce off his feet as he bounced on his head and how cool he would look.

To Re-Read or Not to Re-Read

I have the day off with Peanut today and she’s been doing a lot of reading while I putter about. Which is great… except she’s reading on her phone, and prefers to read on her phone. I know it’s the age of technology and all, but it makes me sad that she doesn’t prefer a book and its smell whether it’s old or new and the sound of the pages if you fan them. That she doesn’t prefer the feel of a book in her hands. I think she’s crazy. But that’s not the worst of it.

I said, “Please put your phone away,  you’ve been on it all morning.”

“OMG MOM! I’M READING!!!!”

I said, “You have so many books in your room you could read!”

“OMG! I READ THEM ALREADY!!!”

Say what now? :O

I said, “So what? Find one you haven’t read in a long time and re-read it.”

Then she proceeded to stab me in the heart (what’s new lately) by replying, “OMG!!! NO ONE DOES THAT! I ALREADY KNOW THE STORY!”

Say what now???? :O

I don’t know why I try and reason with her but I said, “Well then you haven’t waited long enough for the one you chose. But even if I start to remember the story I never really remember all of it because I get details confused with all I’ve read and it’s still a good escape. I will still reread it.”

She said, “OMG YOU’RE CRAZY!!! LET ME ALONE!!!”

Fine. I’ll just look at Pinterest for pictures of built-in bookshelves to put in her room when she goes to college. I know her story so far, why keep her room her room to help me remember? Childhood things instead of bookshelves?  That’s just crazy talk.

How to Ruin Chicken

We went out for dinner tonight for a special treat. 

Mr. G ordered chicken marsala, which looked fantastic except for the huge,  nasty, slimy mushrooms on top of it!

Then Bird let me down and asked if he could have some. He actually likes mushrooms! Weird kid. 

So I said,¬† “Yuck! That’s ruining a great piece of chicken. Who does that?”

Bird says,” Uh, Mommy, that’s a tiny piece of heaven right there!”

Good thing Heaven is large. Hope there’s a mushroom free zone or I’m not going.¬†

Shocking Saturday

Warning! This post contains many shocking statements, proceed at your own risk!!!

I was cleaning off my dresser (shocking statement #1) and Peanut came in and quietly said, “Mommy?” (shocking statement #2) Because I am not used to being addressed kindly I didn’t answer since I was sure she wasn’t talking to me.¬†

So she reverts back to herself and loudly says,¬†“OMG! MOM!” to which I answer now that I know she’s in the room.

She asks if there is anything she can do with her pictures on her phone so she doesn’t have to delete any but could get more room. I say, “Well you could download Dropbox. It’s a cloud based software for storing pictures, videos and documents.”

Peanut had no idea what I was talking about, and actually listened and downloaded it!  (shocking statements #3, #4, and #5!)

And for the record my coolness of knowing something she didn’t lasted about 5 minutes, until the download and sync was finished and I did the usual thing I do that makes her mad,  breathing.