I Choose Hope

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You always know life can throw a curve ball at you at any time,  but you never really believe that it will.  You go along thinking everything is fine one minute and the next WHAM you are knocked flat on your ass. Then you have to decide how you will react to the curveball, what will you choose to get you through it?

My knockout came Thursday when I found out my 18-year old nephew has cancer. I didn’t know much more than he was going to Penn State hospital immediately. That was scary but it’s the best place for him to be.

Yesterday the unknown drove me crazy. I knew he was having tests and the doctors were forming a treatment plan,  but it was still an exhausting roller coaster ride of emotions while we waited to find out what kind of cancer, his options for treatment,  how severe it was,  etc,  etc,  etc. I also raged at God and prayed,  believing He has a plan but upset at the unfairness of it. The family has already had a tragic loss, now lightening has hit again. 

Then finally, we knew what we were dealing with. Testicular cancer, but localized, so with surgery and chemo he has a really good chance of beating it.

Today I feel better. I believe he will beat this. Our family will be with him along this long road,  choosing hope over despair. 

I Can’t Find the Motivational Quotes I Need

The last time I blogged I said I had a new, positive attitude,  I was finding a lot of motivational quotes, and things were going well with my new job. I was happy.

That’s still true….when I’m at work.  Didn’t think I’d say that did you? :( How many people are truly happy at work? I am now and it’s really not just because I’m still in the honeymoon phase.  Mr.  G. even said he could see the “old” me coming back and it was nice to see. 

I come home and am assaulted by this hateful creature that just sucks all my positive energy away.  Sometimes I don’t even have to do anything but come in the door.  Others it’s because I asked how the day was.  I never really know what’s going to bring the hateful attitude on. 

I don’t have any quotes that make me feel better.  I tried reading books and while they were written well and interesting it was difficult to implement their suggestions and keep with them.  It is difficult for me to ignore and not take it personally. I take things away and she laughs at me. Whatever I say is ignored and she does what she feels like and when.  She tells me she doesn’t need my opinion. We are all annoying and making her mad.  She swears and shrugs it off if we say anything about it.

I don’t know how to stay positive with this aggression. I don’t want to wish time away but I’m just starting the teenage years and already I’m sad and overwhelmed. I wish they go quickly and that we make it through OK.

Positive Words

I started 2015 with a new attitude. I wanted to be more positive and not let things get to me. I decided it was time for good things to happen. 

On the second day of the new year,  I received an offer for a new position,  with more responsibility and more writing, and closer to home. Of course I didn’t really have to think about it and accepted the offer. 

Although I was a little apprehensive about how this news would be received,  I immediately felt my stress lifting. I felt more relaxed and happy,  which I haven’t had in my work life for some time. 

I started my new job this past Monday and the first week flew by! Everyone has been very welcoming and is excited I have joined the firm. I am already busy but am not stressed.

I found this quote on Pinterest: “You will know you made the right decision; you feel the stress leaving your body,  your mind, your life.”  Brigitte Nicole

How true that is! However the work stress leaving me is being replaced by teenager stress! Got any motivational quotes for that?

But I’m Not Old Enough

I’m taking a break from Miss You Mondays. I’ll still write letters to my AngelMom but I just can’t do it every week anymore. The same thing happened when I did the daily blog challenge last year. I don’t know if it’s the “pressure” of the deadline or something else, but I’m struggling. While I wrote from my heart it just became a chore and then it quickly became the only time I wrote all week. That’s not acceptable for me and not as good reading for you. So no more self imposed deadlines and back to writing when and what I feel like writing.

But also because today is Peanut’s birthday and she is finally in the digits that end in teen. Sigh. Shiver. Shake. I didn’t want to be sad today, not even for the 10 minutes to write the letter.

I just brought her home yesterday, how can she be 13 already? I’m only “25” myself so clearly I’m not old enough to have a teenager.

Hang on, I’m sure my tales are going to get better on this rollercoaster life!

Miss You Monday – 1/5/15

Dear Mom,

It’s hard to believe another year without you has started. 15 years into 2000s too!

It’s another year of having news to share and having to tell myself out loud so I can pretend you can hear. Another year of feeling like there’s just a little enthusiasm missing from the people I can tell. Another year of random loneliness and sadness. Another year of wondering why.

But this year has started off well with some good news and a new opportunity to change my path, so this year is not going to be just another year. I’ll still have random times of pain I’m sure but I’m striving to be more positive and focus more on what I have and less on what I’ve lost.

I still miss you, Mom.

Miss You Monday 12/29/14

Dear Mom,

Today I realized I don’t have you to obsess with anymore. Of course I knew that I just didn’t really KNOW it.

Today I had something of importance and I couldn’t call and obsess about it before or after and go over every detail and have your agreement that it was good, or your reassurance that even though it wasn’t the best decision, it would work out the way it was meant to.

And now I wait to see how it pans out and I can’t complain to you over how long it’s taking. I hate to go on and on to other people, they have their own problems or don’t want to hear about it constantly.

Most of the stuff I am anxious about is really not as huge a deal as I’m making it, and a short phone call would have eased my mind. But the phone calls are long finished.

It really is the littlest things that hurt the most.

I miss you, Mom.

Miss You Monday – 12/15/14

Dear Mom,

On the way home tonight I saw a Humane Society billboard for the Penguin Plunge. That made me happy because they are still doing what you started even after 15 years with someone else in charge.

I’ve been busy running kids to practices and games and trying to get ready for another Christmas without you, but I still miss you Mom.