Wishing I was already stuffed from breakfast. Angel Mom always made traditions that were slightly different from what everyone else did. Although I miss her and am sad today, I am thankful that I have happy memories of things she did for me to show how much she loved me. May my friends and followers find something to be thankful for and enjoy this blessed day!
Last night at 11 Peanut asked if she could go to church with her friend. I said, “Kinda short notice but I guess so. What time is the service?”
Peanut replied that she didn’t know.
Say what now? I asked her how is she supposed to know what time to get up if she doesn’t know when she needs to be there?
She looked at me like I am the stupidest person on the planet and said, “It’s sometime tomorrow. Friend will text me to wake me up.”
Oh. Well I’m glad she cleared that up. Guess if there isn’t an actual start time she won’t be late.
Re-blogging a Miss You Mom letter from last year. Today is now 16 years without her call, and it still is the biggest littlest thing I miss on my birthday.
Dear Mom, I’ve been sad this week. My birthday is coming up. For 15 years my birthdays have not started right. They’ve been as ok as they can be without you, but they’ll never start right again. It seemed like every year you would get up earlier than the previous year to call me and be the first person to sing happy birthday to me, so I would start my special day happy. It was so silly, but it was your special thing you had to do for me and I only pretended I was upset at the early call. I hope you knew I wasn’t really upset. And then in the fall of 1998, my last call came but I didn’t know it was my last call. I wish I had known. I would have had you sing it a couple of times so I could have recorded it, because now I can’t remember what it sounded like when you sang it. In the fall of 1999, my birthday came and the phone was silent. I didn’t want to leave the house because I still wasn’t used to you being gone and I didn’t want to miss your call. Even though it was my birthday I was not as happy about it as I used to be because it didn’t start right. Now when I wake up on my birthday, I have to remind myself not to wait for the phone to ring. I miss you Mom.
Last night Peanut took a break from her friends to go out to eat with me and Bird. Of course, she always likes to spend my money though she would prefer it be spent on frivolous things like $20 Starbucks fancy unpronounceably named frozen drinks. But I digress.
So Bird was playing on his tablet and I was looking at email on my phone and Peanut decides she wants to talk. Yes, you read that correctly, she wanted to talk to me, HER MOTHER!!!!! However, yes I did forget to mention that her phone was at 6% and the restaurants we frequent do not have charging docks at every table or outlets even (How behind the technology times our city is!!) so she was forced to interact with me the old fashioned way. So she starts to talk and then abruptly stops. I asked what’s wrong, why did she stop talking? Good thing we were in a noisy restaurant so her yelling wasn’t that noticeable.
WELL IT’S KINDA HARD TO TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE BURIED IN YOUR PHONE!!!!!
Uh, say what now???? Did she really just say that to me????? OMG she listens to me sometimes!!!!!
Bird’s nine-year old mind is so endearingly bizarre!
I taught him how to make scrambled eggs and egg sandwiches, so lately one of these have been his preferred breakfast on Saturday mornings. He gets everything ready and chatters away like he does as I am trying to gulp my coffee so I can somewhat follow what he is chattering about.
So as I was making bacon he asks in his adorable little boy voice, Mommy know what would be cool? And before I can answer what he is already excitedly telling me that it would be cool if we could have never ending bacon in our pockets, and it would always be warm, and we would just break off the very tippy top so that the pocket fuzz would come off and we could just eat bacon whenever we wanted!
I did agree that was cool, but hated to waste even a tiny piece of bacon just because of pocket fuzz. I mean come on, it’s bacon! A little fuzz won’t kill us right?
Sorry to blurt this out so early in the morning but the other day Peanut actually used her phone to talk to me!!! Yes I realize I am not a friend or a potential selfie subject for tumblr or whatever picture site teenagers use nowadays. I didn’t actually think her phone worked to communicate with me but that’s a post for another day.
So I was away for the weekend and she texted me (!!) to say she and Bird were being good, have fun and they love me! Of course like any parent of a teenager would do, I texted back “Who is this????”
She texted back Peanut!
Glad she cleared that up, I guess she doesn’t think I know what the Contact Name field is for.
I can’t keep up with Peanut’s extreme mood swings. One minute she’s mad at the world, the next she’s happy as a clam. And I am awful but I am so used to the first that I don’t trust her when she’s in the second! What ridiculous thing is she going to ask me to do at the last minute because she forgot to ask sooner? How much money does she need? Who did she murder that she needs an alibi for? Ok, maybe the last one is a bit much but you really never know with teenagers these days!
I have noticed that sometimes if she has a really nasty mood one second, the next she is happy, as if she needs a second to recover!
Well last night she was upset because she had left her phone at school, and was not happy when she was told no one would be going to wander the halls to attempt to find her locker and retrieve her phone. But Bird was there for basketball tryouts, why couldn’t he go get it after he was done? Who cares that the school is locked down everywhere but the gym??? She had a rant to end all rants and she hates us all, she can’t believe she is without her phone, slamming doors, it’s our fault she forgot it in the first place…..geez.
So when I came home from work today she was watching the crazy good new show Blindspot, which if you haven’t seen get thee on OnDemand and catch up! It’s about a woman who was dumped in Times Square, and she has amnesia and odd tattoos all over her body that appear to be clues to major crimes that will occur against the citizens of New York City. Oh and sometimes she turns all bad ass and beats up the bad guys but has no idea how she knows how to fight! It’s crazy! So Peanut asks me if I watched it yet, and if I wanted to watch it with her.
Say what now?
OMG MOM! DID YOU WATCH BLINDSPOT YET??????
Finally language I understand!
So then she rewound without me asking so I could watch from the beginning. Who is this kid and where’s Peanut????
And a few minutes in she was doing what every dedicated fan of a great tv show does, screaming at the tv. OMG what the heck???? WHOA! OMG NOOOOO!!!!! HUH????? Then she guessed a plot twist which was quite impressive if I do say so myself. And again unexpectedly I had a nice 58 minutes with my teenager which if you’ve been paying attention doesn’t happen too much lately.
So here’s my plea to the writers of this show: please please keep up your awesome writing and keep this show on the air because it’s awesome and we are hooked already after just 2 shows, and because it gave me almost an hour where the teenage beast was calmed and pleasant and I want more!
The place where I go to visit Angel Mom is down the road from my office. And while there are no significant dates that make me miss her just now, I have been taking her flowers almost every Monday, and sometimes go back again later in the week just to sit with her and talk.
I talk to her all the time anyway, but there’s something about the peacefulness of the cemetery that is calming, and makes me feel closer to her.
This was “our” conversation today:
Mommy, I wish you could see Peanut run cross country. I wish you could see Bird play basketball. I wish you could hear them talk and be excited about things they are learning in school. I wish you could hug me and I could feel it. I wish I could call you and get advice when my life with Peanut is too much and I don’t know what to do. I wish you could make me laugh when I feel sad. I wish I didn’t have to come here to visit you.
And her response: silence.
I’m tired of wishing for her. I’m tired of watching other people who are being impatient with their mothers. I’m tired of using losing her as an example to try and explain to Peanut how lucky she actually is, and Peanut not really caring. I’m tired of being a motherless daughter.
As I sat there feeling sorry for myself a beautiful and huge orange Monarch butterfly appeared and was fluttering around and almost flew into my van. Then, as my signs from Heaven usually do, the butterfly just disappeared. Although the butterfly was beautiful it didn’t comfort me much this time. I found myself wishing it had stayed longer.
Just another wish I’m tired of making.
I was away this weekend, but not really away away since I was only about 10 minutes from my house. It was my second scrapbook weekend of the year, so I was with 8 other ladies having fun sharing this awesome creative hobby, making pretty things for Peanut and Bird, in a house that is filled to the roof with all kinds of beautiful scrappy things to use and buy (shhh, I really do need it!!!) and enjoying time “off” from my regular life and responsibilities. It was much needed for all of us, and I highly recommend taking a break once in awhile to recharge if you have the opportunity.
So anyway, I think that the scrapbook house has become magical this year! Good things always happen while I am there! I am usually very productive, and last time I was inspired to blog and gained a new celebrity like follower! And this time I experienced my most favorite parenthood moment yet, from both children!!! Yes I meant to say both children though I do understand your confusion.
There is a restaurant/ice cream shop next to the scrapbook house and last night the other Gs met me for ice cream. As I walked down the driveway to the parking lot, I hear shouts of “Mommy!” and then both Peanut and Bird come running around the corner and run to me and hug me! What the heck? Was I really still napping (yes, another good thing that happened!) and this was a dream?? Did I drink too many wine coolers???? It felt wonderful even if it turns out it wasn’t real.
So I wonder what will happen the next time I get to go to the magic scrapbook house??? Maybe I’ll win the lottery and I can buy a million sheets of paper that I really, really need!!!