Just Stop Growing!

“I hate last-minute shopping, it’s always unsuccessful.” 
~ Cat Deeley
 
When you have a pre-teen, you are ALWAYS last-minute shopping. Or baking. Or crafting. And it never starts or ends well, and gives me especially many more new gray hairs. But those are all posts for another day!
 
So I’m going to bust a stereotype here….although female, I hate shopping! Unless it’s for scrapbook stuff or books. Then you can drop me off when they open and pick me up when they close because I will need help carrying all my loot, and no comments about the expense either! 
 
Anyway, school started 2 weeks ago. We tried to shop months ago, but children on summer vacation only hear, “let’s get ice cream” or “let’s go to the pool” or “let me spend money on you” even though what we are really saying is “We need to do really boring stuff like make sure you have clothes for school.”
 
So 2 days before school starts, Peanut informs us we need to go shopping because her backpack doesn’t match anything. And although she has 1,000 articles of clothing in 500 colors, she claims she does not have ONE THING that fits her that matches the backpack, which is a normal shade of blue. I thought I saw blue clothes in her closet but I guess I was looking in someone else’s closet and got confused.
 
So I immediately freak out and tell Mr. G that I am NOT going to the mall alone with Peanut and he can’t make me. He says we’ll all go and I can meet him at the mall after work.  Unfortunately I couldn’t think of a reasonable excuse to get out of that. Even if I said “Oops I have a fork stuck in my eye!” Mr. G would say, “Well the hospital is on the way home and they’re open all night so just stop at the mall for a minute.” Damn.
 
I get there and I can hear Mr. G yelling across the store. Wish I could say I was surprised by this. Something about retail stores makes my kids act like they have never set foot outside a day in their lives. Mr. G informs me that Bird is running around and Peanut is being difficult and why the hell we are doing this now is beyond him. (Gosh this family is giving me so much material!)
 
What Parents see:

image courtesy of marin / freedigitalphotos.net

image courtesy of marin / freedigitalphotos.net

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 what Pre-teens see:
image courtesy of Stoonn / freedigitalphotos.net

image courtesy of Stoonn / freedigitalphotos.net

 If a preteen does see any clothes in the store, it will immediately be rejected as hideous if you even whisper that it’s cute. And if you say you hate it, it’s still hideous because they know you are lying. 

Mr. G (to me, as he’s looking at a wall of pants and skirts): Look at all these! Look at all the colors!!!!! Peanut is crazy. How can there be NOTHING she likes here???? Can we hurry up I’m missing the game! Bird get back here!!!

Me (to Peanut): Look at all these pants! Look at all the colors!!!! Bird stop it!

Peanut (with a horrified look): OH MY GOD! NO! I’M NOT WEARING THAT! NO ONE I KNOW IS WEARING ANY OF THAT!!!!!  WHY DOES HE HAVE TO GO EVERYWHERE I AM???? HE’S SO ANNOYING!!!

Me: What?!!?? There’s a whole wall of pants! Why are they in the store if no one is buying them? BIRD!!!!

Peanut: BECAUSE THIS STORE IS STUPID!!!!! 

Mr. G: Will you just please PICK SOMETHING so we can go home?!?!?! Bird, get back here!!!!!

So she picked a pink tank top and Capri pants. So the problem still wasn’t solved. So because Mr. G is forgetful and I was at the hospital removing the fork from my eye, he repeated this scene again the next day, and thank the Lord she found an acceptable blue shirt. 

The only way to avoid shopping with her is if I tell her to just stop growing and stop caring about color coordination. That was easy.

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2 thoughts on “Just Stop Growing!

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