Hurtful Words

Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.”
~ Ricki Lake
I try to keep up with my house. I really do. I try to do laundry once or twice a week. I try to go thru the million papers I get from 2 schools every day and immediately keep or recycle them. But things still pile up because once I get home from work I’m too tired/grouchy to deal with anything else, or we have to run the kiddos somewhere, or there’s something else so I put off chores until the weekend. There’s always something else to do.
Except when you’re 11, and stuck with your seven-year old annoying brother because all your friends are in activities that occur on weekends. Then there’s nothing that you can do, and it’s annoying that Mom and Dad are too busy to “do anything” with you.
I was already up for “Meanest Mom of the Year” because I didn’t take too kindly to Peanut telling me she was “in the middle of something” as she sprawled on the couch watching TV and couldn’t wash the dishes.
As she was at the sink she started on a rant that we never do anything/go anywhere/I’m always too busy to play with her/I don’t play football with her/I don’t do anything ever but yell. Then she said, “Friend’s mom is a much better mom than you!”
I couldn’t ignore that and sent her to her room. I know I shouldn’t take it personally what she says to me when she’s mad but she has such power to hurt me. Does she realize it? Maybe. Does she care? I don’t know. I hope so.
So tomorrow we’re supposed to go play bingo but I threatened to take that away since she was being so disrespectful. And the thing is, I feel guilty about doing that even though she was so mean and said what she was thinking! I tried to explain to her how I felt about that, and that I still love her no matter what, and I do, but it didn’t seem like she cared. So why do I care? Because I don’t want her to remember me as a mean mom that was never there for her, and never showed her I loved her.
This is the difficulty of motherhood. You have to develop a thick skin and remember it’s just a phase, and hope that this isn’t always how things are going to be, but you can’t be completely cold-hearted either. And unfortunately I can’t ask my expert for advice because I can’t hear her answer. Though I do understand now why she sometimes didn’t seem so happy when I was around.
Tomorrow is a new day with hopefully a better mood for all of us. At least I can’t hear the house complaining about how bad I am at keeping it spotless!
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