Today was bad. I have the sadness that started last week with my birthday and now will only get stronger as the holidays come and go so quickly. I am frustrated because I am stressed and can’t express it because I’ll hear all the “wrong” answers that will only make me mad and not motivate me. I am angry about everything and nothing. I can’t write and again I struggled with what to write in my letter. I should know how to cope with this by now, or even better, not feel like this at all anymore. And that’s the problem, that it never seems to end, it just ebbs.
I found this quote on brainyquote and it really sums up how I feel. “I wasn’t prepared for the fact that grief is so unpredictable. It wasn’t just sadness, and it wasn’t linear. Somehow I’d thought that the first days would be the worst and then it would get steadily better – like getting over the flu. That’s now how it was.” ~ Meghan O’Rourke
I hope I can get out of this funk soon.
I miss you Mom.