To Re-Read or Not to Re-Read

I have the day off with Peanut today and she’s been doing a lot of reading while I putter about. Which is great… except she’s reading on her phone, and prefers to read on her phone. I know it’s the age of technology and all, but it makes me sad that she doesn’t prefer a book and its smell whether it’s old or new and the sound of the pages if you fan them. That she doesn’t prefer the feel of a book in her hands. I think she’s crazy. But that’s not the worst of it.

I said, “Please put your phone away,  you’ve been on it all morning.”

“OMG MOM! I’M READING!!!!”

I said, “You have so many books in your room you could read!”

“OMG! I READ THEM ALREADY!!!”

Say what now? :O

I said, “So what? Find one you haven’t read in a long time and re-read it.”

Then she proceeded to stab me in the heart (what’s new lately) by replying, “OMG!!! NO ONE DOES THAT! I ALREADY KNOW THE STORY!”

Say what now???? :O

I don’t know why I try and reason with her but I said, “Well then you haven’t waited long enough for the one you chose. But even if I start to remember the story I never really remember all of it because I get details confused with all I’ve read and it’s still a good escape. I will still reread it.”

She said, “OMG YOU’RE CRAZY!!! LET ME ALONE!!!”

Fine. I’ll just look at Pinterest for pictures of built-in bookshelves to put in her room when she goes to college. I know her story so far, why keep her room her room to help me remember? Childhood things instead of bookshelves?  That’s just crazy talk.

How to Ruin Chicken

We went out for dinner tonight for a special treat. 

Mr. G ordered chicken marsala, which looked fantastic except for the huge,  nasty, slimy mushrooms on top of it!

Then Bird let me down and asked if he could have some. He actually likes mushrooms! Weird kid. 

So I said,  “Yuck! That’s ruining a great piece of chicken. Who does that?”

Bird says,” Uh, Mommy, that’s a tiny piece of heaven right there!”

Good thing Heaven is large. Hope there’s a mushroom free zone or I’m not going. 

Shocking Saturday

Warning! This post contains many shocking statements, proceed at your own risk!!!

I was cleaning off my dresser (shocking statement #1) and Peanut came in and quietly said, “Mommy?” (shocking statement #2) Because I am not used to being addressed kindly I didn’t answer since I was sure she wasn’t talking to me. 

So she reverts back to herself and loudly says, “OMG! MOM!” to which I answer now that I know she’s in the room.

She asks if there is anything she can do with her pictures on her phone so she doesn’t have to delete any but could get more room. I say, “Well you could download Dropbox. It’s a cloud based software for storing pictures, videos and documents.”

Peanut had no idea what I was talking about, and actually listened and downloaded it!  (shocking statements #3, #4, and #5!)

And for the record my coolness of knowing something she didn’t lasted about 5 minutes, until the download and sync was finished and I did the usual thing I do that makes her mad,  breathing. 

Flashback to the 16th Post

Today is the anniversary of my worst day. I just can’t be snarky or funny or complain about my family today. I can’t be “on.” So I thought since it’s been 16 seconds I mean years, I would repost my 16th post. I have no idea what it is yet, hope it’s something good but that feels like the right thing to do.

But before I get to that, I had my purse and some stuff for the cemetery on the passenger seat and when I lifted my purse I found a penny. My current purse is a clutch and has 2 sections that can be zipped closed so it looks like one section. It was closed and I haven’t driven anyone. 🙂 ❤ Thanks Mom.

Ok so here it is, number 16.  Kinda odd but it’s about love, so I’m interpreting that as I’m loved whether it’s in the physical world or from Heaven.

Cool Artwork

This is for all my east coast friends who are baking/sweating in extremely high temperatures and humidity this week! Yes, I know I complained a few months ago when we had never ending snow, but this is ridiculous!

So to help us think cool thoughts to get through the tropical weather, here is one of my favorite Bird arts. Yes, it is a parachuting snowman, because they need something to do when it’s not snowing. 🙂

Still a Beach Babe, Just not a Bronze One

This post is my opinion only, based on my experience with sun protection clothing. I was not paid to endorse Coolibar products.

Reading on the beach... True happiness!

As I was getting ready to head to the pool and relieve Mr. G. from pool duty,  they came home. Darn, I so wanted to bake and sweat in the 95 degree temps and tropical 74 dew point! OK I didn’t. But I did want to try my new Coolibar sun protection swim tights!

I used to lay in the sun all day and rarely remembered to put sunscreen on, as most teens did and do. I would get so brown! But now I can’t do that anymore because I have a high risk to get sun poisoning. I didn’t really think about it (or care honestly) until we went to Disneyworld two years ago and I didn’t put lotion on my legs while we were sitting on the curb watching a parade.  It was after 3, the sun isn’t that strong, I would be ok I thought. WRONG!! Within an hour, my legs were bright red, with huge welts, painful to touch and swollen so much I could hardly walk! Luckily we were at the end of the trip, but I never wanted to do that to myself again! 

And that was the end of my sun worshipping and the beginning of my caring more about my body than what people thought. That is one good thing about aging! Although technically 25 isn’t really aging I guess. 😛

So Peanut comes in and mid-bitch about having to leave “already” (after 3 hours) notices my swim tights and gets her “what’s that smell?” face I love so much. 

“OMG! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING????”

“My new swim tights! Aren’t they cute? Now I don’t have to sit under the umbrella all day when we go to the beach and my legs are still covered! And I can wear them with a regular tankini top if I want!!! Or wear them to run around like yoga pants!”

She wasn’t impressed. But I didn’t care! It didn’t take long for me to realize nothing I do impresses her so I’m used to that. But it was one of those moments I felt free, responsible and grownup, that I was doing what I felt was best for me and to hell with everyone else and what they thought! If people want to be in the sun taking fewer precautions than me, good for them! I hope nothing happens that could have been prevented. I might look funny but at least I can be more active now and not stuck under an umbrella or constantly putting sunscreen on.

I’m a pale Beach Babe and proud of it! When I’m at the beach I don’t care that I’m not getting a tan. I’m happy I’m on the beach!

Sad Saturday

“In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.”
The Little Prince,  Antoine de Saint Exupery

Just two years before...

It was a busy day today doing stuff around the house. Angel Mom’s anniversary is next week so I think I was making myself busy so I wouldn’t think too much and be sad. This is the last and worst event of the annual miserable with grief period, so no, I really don’t want to have any more sadness piled onto what I’m going to feel, and what I have already felt.

Apparently that doesn’t work for everyone. I was asked why I was sad,  since she didn’t pass on today’s date, the anniversary is next week. Thanks so much for that reminder! As if I could ever forget! Now, I do understand that thinking because this person’s mother is still alive, but still, that is simply an insensitive statement in my opinion.

Maybe I’m sad because I feel as if I’m failing as Peanut’s mom, and can’t ask the only person besides me who knows what I was like at 13 for advice. Maybe I’m sad because Bloom County has returned after 25 years and Angel Mom would be beyond ecstatic at that and would likely still have her enormous stuffed Opus on her bookshelf, and I miss her laughter. Maybe I’m sad because I am reminded that I have no blood relatives who are not my children who love me. Maybe I’m just sad. Why do I need a reason, and why must I only feel this way when the calendar says it makes sense for me to? Believe me, I would much rather know I would be  sad only on holidays, her birthday and her anniversary and the other days I would be the happiest person on earth.  But it doesn’t work that way. Yeah it was 16 years ago but I still remember every second of that day like it happened five minutes ago. God, how I want to forget!  There are always random days where something reminds me of what I’ve lost. Grief truly does ebb and flow but never goes away. So please don’t tell me what I need to do or when for getting through this tsunami of grief. Yes it was a long time ago but an event that turns your life upside down and inside out can’t just be gotten over. After next week I will return to my new normal self,  please be patient and don’t judge me for still feeling however I feel!

So until you really understand, you don’t really understand. You don’t get to tell me when it’s OK for me to be sad. My sadness comes when it wants whether it is her anniversary day or a random day. But it’s mine, not yours. I’ll deal with it the way I need to, as much or as little as I need to. You can help me by just saying you’re there for me. That’s all I want to hear.

My 11:11 Wish

We are 6 months into the teenage years and it’s been getting harder and more unpredictable every day. I truly struggle with how to respond and when to ignore. I take it personally though I know I shouldn’t. I seek parents with older kids to tell me yeah, it’s hell on earth for a long time, but I’m not alone and it does get better but then there are different worries. But even though I know, I don’t know and that sucks.

I feel like I could just give up. But truly what stops me from walking away is then my “not father” would win, that he taught me how to reject my own child like he did. I can’t keep that vicious awful circle going. I am still dealing with his last words all these years later, and also poor Bird has done nothing why should he be motherless as well? They are my only family and I do cherish them even though they can hurt me quite easily. So no, I won’t walk away. Ever.

When I notice the time is 11:11, I always make a wish. It can be anything from “I wish we’d hit the PowerBall!” to “I wish Nephew never again hears ‘the tumor has grown.’ ”

I don’t think about what to wish for, it’s just whatever comes to mind, whether they are selfish or generous wishes, that’s what I wish for that particular moment.

Today I wished that Peanut and I could be at peace with each other.

If that and my wish for Nephew were the only ones that ever came true, I would be fine with that.

A Perk of Being a Grown-up

Today Mr. G and I had a lunch date for his birthday. He had a buy one entree get one free at a Mexican place, and then had rewards so our bill was a whopping $3.88!!

But since we stuffed ourselves with yummy spicy goodness at lunch we didn’t eat dinner. Well OK, we ate dinner but it wasn’t a standard dinner item. We’re mean and made our kids eat leftovers.

Hellooooo Dairy Queen ice cream cake!!! Hey, there has to be some reward for being another year older! Look at it as a perk of being a Grown-up having to deal with teenagers or annoying work people or anyone else who bothers you…you can eat dessert for dinner!

I Know Two Languages

I don’t want to brag but I know two languages and I learned the second really quickly. I’m talking overnight quickly.

My native language is one that sounds like lecturing to Peanut and which receives a yelled response. I guess my second language sounds like mumbo jumbo to her, and forces her to guess what I mean, and she yells a response so it looks like she’s listening. Asking me to translate would require her talking to me, and you know how she feels about that!

Today she went to the pool with a friend. I said, “Please don’t eat a lot after 4 because we’ll eat dinner around 5 or 5:30.”

She yelled OK so I thought I was speaking in lecture language. Nope.

So we sit down to Mr. G’s grilled fish and shrimp and homemade mac and cheese, all things we haven’t had in a long time. Even Furbaby G was quite alert and “talking” about how good it smelled.

Peanut takes 3 bites and declares the fish dry, the shrimp greasy, and the mac and cheese “different.” This brings quite a lot of grownup eye rolling, and Bird declaring he likes the fishy though he does agree that the shrimp are greasy and he can’t eat it with the head on, it’s weird. Not sure where he ate but our shrimp didn’t have heads. 

So then Peanut starts smirking like she does when we play Fibber which she is terrible at! If you ever have the chance to play poker with her, it will be easy to knock her out of the game and take her chips. Kitty? Starting money??? Her card money!

Anyway, I said what’s funny?

She said, “Welllll… I ate chicken fingers and fries at the pool. At 3:45. I’m kinda full now.”

See? I spoke in Mumbo Jumbo language! And so easy to learn I didn’t know I had learned it! Hopefully it will be as easy for me to learn Mr. G’s “being helpful” language. Though that seems a pretty difficult task since I’ve heard it so long and still haven’t learned it, it must be very complex.