We are 6 months into the teenage years and it’s been getting harder and more unpredictable every day. I truly struggle with how to respond and when to ignore. I take it personally though I know I shouldn’t. I seek parents with older kids to tell me yeah, it’s hell on earth for a long time, but I’m not alone and it does get better but then there are different worries. But even though I know, I don’t know and that sucks.
I feel like I could just give up. But truly what stops me from walking away is then my “not father” would win, that he taught me how to reject my own child like he did. I can’t keep that vicious awful circle going. I am still dealing with his last words all these years later, and also poor Bird has done nothing why should he be motherless as well? They are my only family and I do cherish them even though they can hurt me quite easily. So no, I won’t walk away. Ever.
When I notice the time is 11:11, I always make a wish. It can be anything from “I wish we’d hit the PowerBall!” to “I wish Nephew never again hears ‘the tumor has grown.’ ”
I don’t think about what to wish for, it’s just whatever comes to mind, whether they are selfish or generous wishes, that’s what I wish for that particular moment.
Today I wished that Peanut and I could be at peace with each other.
If that and my wish for Nephew were the only ones that ever came true, I would be fine with that.