My 11:11 Wish

We are 6 months into the teenage years and it’s been getting harder and more unpredictable every day. I truly struggle with how to respond and when to ignore. I take it personally though I know I shouldn’t. I seek parents with older kids to tell me yeah, it’s hell on earth for a long time, but I’m not alone and it does get better but then there are different worries. But even though I know, I don’t know and that sucks.

I feel like I could just give up. But truly what stops me from walking away is then my “not father” would win, that he taught me how to reject my own child like he did. I can’t keep that vicious awful circle going. I am still dealing with his last words all these years later, and also poor Bird has done nothing why should he be motherless as well? They are my only family and I do cherish them even though they can hurt me quite easily. So no, I won’t walk away. Ever.

When I notice the time is 11:11, I always make a wish. It can be anything from “I wish we’d hit the PowerBall!” to “I wish Nephew never again hears ‘the tumor has grown.’ ”

I don’t think about what to wish for, it’s just whatever comes to mind, whether they are selfish or generous wishes, that’s what I wish for that particular moment.

Today I wished that Peanut and I could be at peace with each other.

If that and my wish for Nephew were the only ones that ever came true, I would be fine with that.


2 thoughts on “My 11:11 Wish

  1. My wish is that I had some “silver bullet” or “wish” granting advice to offer you – especially as the “old man” (didn’t you call me old once on here?) to a “mid-teener” and another standing at the doorstep to the teens. It’s my wish because I really don’t have much in the way of advice. I have been blessed, first and foremost, with sons only (sorry ladies) with any “daughters” having been of the furry, four-legged variety. Secondly, all in all my boys are pretty well behaved (always have been really) – been able to take them anywhere from the day they were born. Honestly, I didn’t post this to “brag” how great I have it; there are those days that come with their challenges believe me. It really comes down to how you as the parent chose to ACT on the situation versus REACT.

    I’ve found (for me anyway) there are three key elements to being an effective parent – notice I didn’t say good parent – more on that in MY blog…oh, wait…I don’t actually have one. Oh well, moving on… The three elements are:

    1) “Semper Gumby” – Always Flexible. Never allow yourself to get into a parenting “rut”. Keep your RULES consistent and even to a certain degree the punishment for transgressions of same. However, keep your “style” a mystery…never let your children figure you out or worse yet, get inside your head. Example: Peanut does something that should essentially bring down “the wrath of God” and have your neck veins bulging, take five…chill out…don’t do what you might “normally” do – she’s ready for that, and is only waiting with baited breath to have it out with you.

    2) Love Unconditionally – Okay, you are likely thinking to yourself “Yeah, well duh! I’m her (their) mother…carried them in my body for nine months…nursed/fed…diapered…wiped running noses…kissed “boo-boos”…chased the monsters under the bed away…HELLO?!?” Okay, you have a point, and I’m sure most respectable, “healthy” parents do unconditionally love their children (even through the teen years). Ah….but do they let their children know it….? Every day? Even in the moments you entertain thoughts of giving up? Catch your clock at 11:11 and make a wish? I know that ever since I began telling my boys I loved them every day (okay at least try to) our relationship has dramatically changed. It isn’t always with words…sometimes it is a hug, a pat/rub on the back, or even a look. Heck, sometimes it is even my jumping out in front of them and doing the Tongan warrior wide-eyed “growl” and tongue wag while slapping my chest. Yeah….don’t ask….and….we’re moving.

    3) Unified front – mom and pop need to be reading from the same rule and play books (preferably from “day one”). If this isn’t happening – guess who’s gonna figure that out REAL quick and exploit the living (OOPS!) out that to the max! Don’t get me wrong, playing “good cop; bad cop” with my boys has worked as necessary over the years. The catch is like I mentioned before – vary your style, keep them guessing, and support each other by running the same “play”. Example: Recently, there was a incident with the boys that required some “adjustment” on their part. Well, I and η γυναίκα μου (aka “Mrs. Σταυρός”) gathered for a quick “strategy meeting” and then came at them with the plan. I played “bad cop” (a personal favorite) and Mrs. Σταυρός (“good cop” of course)** played it cool and attempted to “talk me down” from wanting to just sink them in the Mystic or Charles Rivers and just tell people they joined the Peace Corps or something. It was great! LOL! In the end, I admitted that I may have “over reacted” (or “over acted” depending on how you want to spin that – LOL!), Mrs. Σταυρός had a talk with the boys about how “pushing dad too far” could result in their untimely drowning…er…I mean their receiving an excessive amount of punishment, and the boy’s behavior was instantly improved, and they accepted (even suggested themselves) a pretty stern punishment. Parents score a win!

    **Just a side note: While I may enjoy playing “bad cop”, and do a pretty convincing job of it and Mrs. Σταυρός equally Oscar worthy as “good cop”, I have to say her “bad cop” is WAY more frightening than mine. I’m torn between her being a truly award winning thespian, or just a frazzled mom on the verge of a psychotic break; because when she is “bad cop” character/mode, we don’t have the usual “strategy meeting” – we just kinda go straight into me talking her into stepping back from the edge of the roof with the boy(s) and saying, “let’s sit down and try and talk through this situation rationally; shall we”? 😀 LOL!

    • Thanks for the advice. I do tell and show them all the time that I love them, and most of the time we are unified, so mostly my problem is reacting. I know this, but can’t seem to follow….unfortunately as my first Peanut is the learning curve…much to Bird’s benefit and Peanut’s ever increasing annoyance! 🙂 Oh well….

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