Two Unfamiliar Sights

There are two things I haven’t seen in so long I almost forget what they are…. The sun and Peanut’s several thousand dollar smile. 

The April showers haven’t brought May flowers but more showers! And Peanut has been dealing with school drama and me and Bird being annoyingly alive… So she has been a bit moody.  I know such a surprise!!!!

So of course when she asked to go grocery shopping with me late Friday night, I said sure that would be great but thought something else completely different! Yeah I said it, any parent of a teenager would totally back me up here!

She was wearing long sweatpants, and when she got out of the car she stepped in a puddle and her ankles got wet. So she rolled her pants up ridiculously high so they looked like shorts, but until she ran into the store one leg had unrolled and the other was half unrolled. She said “OMG MOM!!!! I HOPE I DON’T RUN INTO ANYONE I KNOW!!!!” I said she was probably safe that late on a rainy Friday night. 

As usual when she is with me, there were alot of foods in the cart that she loves in the store that will be despised as soon as they are in the house. But she was happy so I was happy!

But somehow I left my teenager in the store and picked up another.  It was raining again when we left the store,  and this strange girl says, “Get in the car Mom, I will unload the groceries and take the cart back.”

Funny, she also had her sweatpants rolled up so they wouldn’t get wet! Wonder if she knows Peanut?


Good Thing I Won’t Need Much!

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
~Dean Martin
Tonight confirmed that I will need to spend the next eight years until Peanut is out of the teen years in a drunken stupor. Now luckily I’m a lightweight, so a drink or two a night would probably be enough!
Lucky Mr. G is away Thursdays and I usually make breakfast for dinner, but I didn’t feel like cooking so said we could go out to eat. Then Peanut and Bird proceed to argue over pizza (Bird) or McDonald’s (Peanut). So I pick pizza because honestly it just sounded better! Well that was the wrong choice because clearly Bird is my favorite!
So then because I don’t want her to think that and be upset I say fine we’ll go to McDonald’s but we’re not eating it there. Well that was the wrong choice because now I lied and we’re not really eating out.
Then I wouldn’t let her have a soda, which we never do on school nights. Then I wouldn’t let her have any candy after she ate because I can’t see she’s still hungry and candy is just right to fill her up.
This is all pretty mild and normal, but the need to get drunk began when I went upstairs for 5 minutes to get out of my work clothes. I hear a thud, and then Bird sounding really strange says, “MOM!!!!! Peanut kicked my tooth out!!!!” What??? No he couldn’t have said that. So I made him repeat it and now he’s coming upstairs and I can tell he has a mouth full of something and even with mumbling around blood he says what I thought I heard him say.
Apparently he was trying to kiss Peanut and she didn’t want him to and she couldn’t get away from him so she kicked him and the tooth that I didn’t even know was loose was pushed out. Now obviously that would be a pretty slick trick for him to make up and have it be believable that she wasn’t anywhere close to him, so I called her up to find out her side.
Me: What —
Peanut: (interrupting) OMG AM I IN TROUBLE? DID YOUR PRECIOUS ANGEL GET HURT? DO YOU BELIEVE HIM THAT I DID IT????? (So that pretty much confirmed that Bird was in fact telling the truth.)
Me: Well did you kick him?
Peanut: NO! Well maybe I did but what else was I going to do when he was coming at me??????
So I explained that wasn’t the best choice to make and we don’t kick people, and she proceeded to scream all kinds of ridiculous things at me and then started in on Bird who really didn’t seem bothered by all this and was back to his usual chattering self telling me that it was good the tooth came out because now he can bite into the school’s chicken patties without his tooth hurting because it was loose enough that he had to bite sideways to not hurt his tooth. Then he settled into bed and the last thing I did to confirm that he is indeed my favorite that Peanut had to yell about was that I said goodnight to him first! Which I do every night because she’s older so gets to stay up a half hour later but I guess she never really knew that.
So you see, I don’t know what to do or say to make Peanut happy, but I do know that mixing Kahlua with just about anything will make me VERY happy. There’s my favorite.